Trying Again
by EllieRose101
Summary: Buffy told Spike they had to stop being together, because it was killing her. But if they could be together in a healthy, loving way, she'd allow it, right? They could try again? Well, they're going to. (Starts off as an episode re-write of 'Hells Bells' and goes AU from there.) Rated Mature for use of occasional strong language and implied sexual activity.
1. Hells Bells

Hells Bells

Spike walked into the ceremony early, complete with a date on his arm.

Clem stopped him in his tracks, saying, "Nu-uh mister, that's a bad idea."

The girl looked disgusted at the intrusion, but Spike contemplated his friend's words.

"You reckon?" he asked, earnestly.

"No disrespect to the lady, but I don't think it's fair on the, uh," – Clem gestured in the direction of Buffy – "the lady."

"Right," Spike replied, before turning to his date. "Guess you better sod off then."

"Excuse me?" she said, indignantly.

Clem shot the vampire a disapproving glance before telling her, "You should stay. There's actually a quite few eligible bachelors here. Much richer than Spike, if you don't mind horns, that is."

Either she didn't believe the horn comment, or wasn't fazed by it, Spike couldn't tell, but she entered the crowd willingly without him.

"Great, now what am I gonna do?"

The demon looked at him sympathetically.

"Maybe I could have a word with Buffy. Smooth things over?"

"Don't bother, she's made 'er choice."

Clem nodded, solemnly, "But you're both unhappy. It's clear to see."

The vampire just shrugged and slopped off to the bar.

* * *

Just then Clem noticed Krelvin and made his way over to him, not even noticing when he accidently tripped up an old man with his own umbrella. Said old man transformed into his true demon self upon hitting the floor, causing Xander's young cousin Karen to scream – inadvertently drawing Halfrek's attention.

"Good lord!" she exclaimed, before grabbing hold of D'Hoffryn's cloak.

"What is it Hallie?" he asked.

"That demon, I recognize him. He's one of Anyanka's."

The old demon squinted, "Anyanka made him? You're sure?"

She nodded, adding, "Probably here to cause trouble."

D'Hoffryn let out a sigh, "I'll see him out."

* * *

Spike was on his third Jack Daniels when Buffy walked up behind him.

"I think Clem's matchmaking Krelvin and Xander's Aunt Carol," she said, making conversation.

"Only right someone should be happy," he replied, with a glum expression.

"Spike…"

"No, don't. I don't need your pity."

Buffy gave a gentle nod, before asking – almost in a whisper – "What do you need?"

Spike looked at her like she was made of gold – his eyes saying it all.

"I'm sorry," she said then.

"Yeah, well, aren't we all," he agreed, before pointing behind her, "Think Red's trying to get your attention."

"Oh, right; must be starting. You'll stay, right?"

He nodded his assent and took another swig.

* * *

A cheer went up as the bride and groom kissed, then, almost immediately everyone was on their feet and heading in the direction of alcohol.

Not paying the least bit of attention to their guests, Anya and Xander carried on their heated embrace.

Buffy remained in the seating area, alone, watching them.

"Beautiful, ain't it luv?" said Spike, coming to stand behind her.

"Really is," she agreed, wiping the tears from her eyes. "God, I'm a mess. How can I want this when I…"

"What?"

She shook her head, "I don't know. Kinda all over the place. Ignore me."

"Never could," he replied, brushing her cheek.

"Spike, I told you," she said, quietly.

Just as softly he replied, "Told me you couldn't carry on as we were. Can't rightly say it was doin' me much good either. But… I think this is the drink talking, but what if it was something different. Something… something that didn't hurt."

"You think anything between us could ever be good?"

He should have been stung by her words, but they were asked in earnest.

Continuing Buffy said, "If there was something good. If we could be good. God, I want it."

Spike's heart swelled. "You mean that?"

"I do," she said, then chuckled, "Pardon the pun."

He smiled too. "Buffy, if you'll let me, I want to try and do right by you."

Her eyes began to well up with tears again. "I can't not let you try," she said, "I can't say no to you, but I don't know if it's right. Spike, make it right? Can you?"

Once more he was silent, but his expression spoke volumes. It drew Buffy in. She couldn't help but lean in to feel his soft cool lips on hers again. The moment she kissed him she knew it was different.

Suddenly she heard Xander's voice, and the kiss broke apart.

"Woah!" the groom was saying, "What the hell, Buffy?"

"Oh, leave them be," said Anya, "It's been building for weeks – years, even. You can freak out about it after the honeymoon."

The mention of her honeymoon reminded Anya of a few things she had in store for her new husband, so she started telling him about them, in order to get his attention back on her.

"Quick," said Buffy, "Let's go while he's not looking."

Spike chuckled, but she pulled on his arm, "Oh, you're serious?"

She rolled her eyes, "Duh."

His smile grew wide, "Wait, have you seen Clem? I wanted to thank him."

"Last I heard he was giving Xander's parents marriage counseling."

"That so," the vampire said, "I'm impressed."

"Hidden talents, that one," Buffy agreed.

_To be continued..._


	2. Normal Again

Normal Again

Spike woke up in Buffy's bed, with her wrapped in his arms. She was still sleeping, and he couldn't help but worry that she'd change her mind and kick him out when she woke up, so he made an extra effort not to stir her.

'Gonna make the most of this,' he thought to himself, but it wasn't long until she stretched and turned further into his embrace, slowly opening her eyes.

"Hey," she said, softly. "You're here."

"I am. That's okay?"

Buffy smiled, melting away his insecurity. Feeling more confident he reached up to brush a stray hair out of her eyes, and laid kisses across her cheek.

"Mmm, god, I'm stupid," she said, then, and he pulled back. "To have never done this before," she quickly clarified. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for, luv. Let's just enjoy it?"

"Yeah," she agreed, smiling again, before kissing him, and then making love.

The previous night was the first time she's allowed him to make love to her – to really worship her with everything he had, as he'd always wanted. It was so much deeper, emotionally, than any of the sex they'd had before, and she couldn't believe what she'd been turning down for so long.

Later they talked, like a normal, healthy couple – and that was a surreal experience for Buffy, too.

"It's been too long," she said. "Since I've been functioning properly; since I've been in a functioning relationship. It's nice. Feel almost normal again, or, as normal as a Slayer of demons and fighter against the forces of darkness can get. You know, for a minute there yesterday I thought Xander was getting cold feet, and that things were going to fall apart, but he went through with it. He and Anya are happy. Willow and Tara seem to be getting back together and we…" she trailed off.

"We?" he prompted her, wanting to hear her put into words how things were going. If his heart could beat it would be hammering in his chest.

"We seem to be getting things together. And, bonus, there's no impending apocalypse on the horizon. Everything's not perfect – Dawn's still not caught up in school and there's been total abandonment of the chores – but I think things might actually turn out okay."

"Know you've doomed us now you've said that, don't you, luv?"

Buffy frowned, and looked at the ceiling, "I didn't mean it, oh great and powerful Powers that Suck."

Spike chuckled, and she smiled back at him. It was a dream come true to see her so relaxed around him, and he was reveling in it. Suddenly, though, she moved to get up and panic coursed through him again. Feeling the sudden tension in his body Buffy turned to him explaining, "I need to get ready for work. I'm not… I wasn't ditching, I swear."

"Course not, pet," he said, pretending he wasn't scared of her falling into old habits that would have them spilt apart again.

"We're okay," she reassured him, giving him a quick kiss. "This is good. Better."

* * *

Later that evening, after Buffy finished her shift at the Doublemeat Palace, they went patrolling together. After a few graveyards they checked out some rented apartments that the Trio might have been using. Outside the second one on the list Willow had compiled a large demon appeared and attacked them – trying to poke the Slayer with a sticky pole that extended from its arm. Together they warded it off, then headed towards the magic box to try and research what it was.

"That it?" asked Willow, putting a book down in front of Buffy and pointing to a sketch.

"Yeah. We're getting quicker at this, Giles would be so proud."

The witch grinned, then Spike asked, "What's it do?"

"Oh, umm…" Willow took the book back from Buffy and scanned the page once more, "It has poison in its arms, that 'Greatly diminish one's mental state', apparently."

"Lucky escape, then," said Buffy, with a shudder. "Diminished mental states are zero fun."

Willow nodded in agreement, and Spike held her just that little bit tighter.

_To be continued... _


	3. Entropy

Entropy

It had been a week since the wedding, and things had been good. There had been a few shaky moments, here and there, born from insecurity on both sides, but Spike and Buffy seemed to be getting there. Willow and Tara were officially a couple again, and Tara had moved back into Revello Drive.

The witches were at class, and Dawn and Buffy were out shopping when Xander stopped by the house, just in time to find Spike looking at a camera.

"Firstly," the carpenter said, "What are you doing here, and why do you have that?"

The vampire ignored him – still intently looking at the piece of tech.

Unhappy about the lack of attention, the carpenter snatched it from his hand. "Please don't tell me you've been…" he gestured wildly, "Actually, don't tell me anything. Get out!"

"Sod off, Harris," Spike replied.

"Buffy!" the boy called for the Slayer.

"She's not in," the vampire informed him.

"Yeah? Once more I ask why you are."

They glared at each other – Xander silently daring the vampire to strike out, and Spike wishing he could. Finally he broke the stalemate saying, "Thought you were still on honeymoon. Demon girl hasn't ditched you already, has she? Such a shame."

Xander punched him, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"As it happens," said Spike, in agreement.

That was enough for the carpenter. At the end of his tether he opened the back door and shoved the vampire out.

"Bloody hell!" he shouted, starting to fizzle as he dashed under a nearby tree.

Xander relented a bit, and threw a blanket out to him – more out of fear of Buffy rather than sympathy.

Tossing the covering over his head Spike stomped away, swearing as he reached the nearest sewer entrance and threw himself down it back into the shade.

Xander shook his head and locked up before going on his way.

* * *

Buffy was surprised to come home and find the place empty. Looking about for a note she spotted the camera sitting atop the kitchen counter, "Huh," was all she said.

Two hours later, when Spike still hadn't shown up, she started to worry.

Going outside on the off chance he was chain smoking on her front lawn she started to worry more – there wasn't a single cigarette butt on the ground by the tree. Just a random ugly gnome.

"Wait a second…"

Picking up the gnome that she couldn't recall having ever noticed before, let alone purchased and placed there herself, Buffy felt something rattle inside. Upon smashing it open she found a camera identical to the one in her kitchen.

Suddenly feeling vulnerable – and then angry that someone, or something, had made her feel that way – she glanced about and then went back inside to call the Magic Box. Anya answered.

"Oh, hey, you're back from honeymoon. Was it good?"

"Oh yes," the ex-vengeance demon informed her, "Lots of sex. Many orgasms."

"Right," said Buffy, grimacing. "That's nice. Does anybody wanna fill me in about the cameras around my place?"

"Xander mentioned that earlier. Although, I think he said there was only one. Something Spike had set up."

"What? Why?"

Anya shrugged, despite the fact Buffy couldn't see her.

"Is Xander there?" the Slayer asked, and she was passed over to him.

"What's up?"

"Cameras. Explain."

Xander scratched his head, saying, "Don't know what to tell you, Buff. Was round your place earlier and found the bleached wonder making himself at home playing around with one. There are more?"

"There are more," she confirmed. She didn't tell him Spike was welcome in her house – that it was practically his home now. She didn't want the headache. "I gotta go," she said, finally, before hanging up, putting on her jacket and heading to the graveyard.

* * *

Buffy walked into Spike's crypt without knocking. He looked up at her from where he sat in his chair, took in her expression of annoyance and distrust, and knew what they'd been building had already began to crumble.

"Damn," he said out loud.

She looked at him, crossing her arms. "What's going on?"

Standing up he assessed the situation, "The Whelp told you I was up to no good and you believed him."

"I…" she began, not knowing what to think. "Are you?"

He shook his head, "Bloody hell, Buffy. No, I'm not. And if you knew me – if you trusted me – like you said you did, you wouldn't be asking."

Anger abating for a moment, he said in a soft tone, "Should know that I wouldn't do anything that might damage what we have."

She felt foolish – knowing he was right. "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, well… good."

The harshness of his words hurt her, but she shrugged it off, "I deserved that."

Looking at her again there was a pained expression on his face. He wanted to contradict her; to tell her she would never deserve a single mean-spirited word said against her, least of all from him, but his pride stopped him from allowing the words to pass his lips.

"Where you able to find out anything about the cameras?" she asked, finally.

He shook his head, and she just walked out again.

_To be continued... _


	4. Seeing Red

Seeing Red

Buffy was making Dawn pancakes when the younger girl came into the kitchen.

"So," she said, idly, "If the beastie staking out the house isn't Spike…"

"What do you want?"

"I just thought, maybe, you'd need some help with the patrolling?"

"No."

"What?" Dawn pouted, "That's so unfair."

"Maybe," Buffy agreed, and Dawn's face lit up for a millisecond, until she continued, "But that doesn't change my answer."

Dawn stomped her foot, then, and turned her back on her sister to leave the room, not before shouting over her shoulder. "Spike would have let me!"

"Yeah," Buffy admitted, under her breath, "Don't give me another reason not to like him." Then she sighed and tossed the burnt pancake in the trash.

* * *

Willow had the afternoon off, so Buffy got her to try and trace the camera feed.

"You're sure it's not Spike?" the witch asked, tentatively.

"I'm sure," said Buffy, sighing.

"Things aren't going so great, huh?"

"They were," said the Slayer, "Until a couple of words from Xander brought on the doubt parade."

Willow frowned, "Xander's a lovely guy, but you shouldn't pay attention to most of what he says."

"Wasn't his fault, really. I should have known better. I _did_ know better, but…"

"It's done now," Willow interrupted her. "You just gotta find a way to fix it."

Buffy sighed again. She'd sighed so much in the past twenty four hours it was irritating her.

The witch looked at her, "You do wanna fix things, right?"

"I do," she admitted, "But I don't know if I should. I mean, I was wrong, and I hurt him. And I think I'm gonna keep messing up, and keep hurting him, and I don't want that."

"So, what? You're gonna just not try and hurt him anyway?"

"Ugh! I don't know!" she said, wringing her hands. "Can we just focus for a bit? I don't wanna think about it right now."

Willow nodded, and returned to her task. "Bingo!"

"Bingo? Already? Right, who I gotta pummel?"

The witch's face went pale as she turned her laptop screen so Buffy could see. "Trio. They've been spying on us all."

"Damn them!" Buffy shouted, standing up, "Can't even kill them. Bloody humans."

Willow's eyebrows shot up at how much Buffy sounded like Spike. She didn't mention it, though, because the Slayer hadn't seemed to notice.

"Got an address for me? I'll have to shut them down the non-violent way."

"Uh, yeah, sure," Willow said, scribbling it down.

* * *

Buffy arrived at the Trio's house to find a suspiciously familiar van sitting outside.

She broke the front door down and started looking around – smashing things up, once she found no-one was in. Taking out all her Spike related frustration she broke apart computer equipment and was about to lay waste to some comic books when heard a whimper.

Turning around she traced the source of the sound to a closet, in which she found Jonathon.

She pulled him out and shoved him against a wall, demanding, "Where are the others?"

"Not here!" he said, emphatically, "I swear."

Buffy glared at him for a moment, then relaxed her stance. "I believe you."

"What are you gonna do?"

She shook her head, "I don't know." Then sighed, and got annoyed, "Why are you with these guys?"

Jonathon shrugged, "It was fun at first, to have friends? Then we got in trouble, and I couldn't get out."

"Well, at least you're honest. Want a way out?"

He nodded. "Okay. Grab your stuff and we'll go. Will get Xander to let you crash at his – he kinda owes me one. And you can help me take down the other two."

Jonathon smiled, "Thank you."

"Yeah, well, I'm in the mood for second chances. If you double cross me, though? So help me I'll find a way around the no killing humans thing. Probably set Spike on you," she mused.

He gulped, "Uh, Buffy. About Spike…"

The slayer glared at him, "What?"

He looked at his shoes, "I'm sorry. You seemed happy."

Her shoulders slumped, and she admitted, "We were."

Feeling genuinely bad for her, and partly responsible, Jonathon decided to try and cheer her up. "Wanna know Warren's plans so you can foil them?" he asked.

A wicked grin appeared across her face, then. "Tell me."

* * *

After dropping the boy off with Harris, Buffy triumphantly made her way into her own house- arms full off all the things vital to Warren's evil schemes. Her happiness faded, though, when she realized she had no-one to share it with. Dawn was spending the night at Janice's house, and the witches seemed to be out.

She frowned, feeling sorry for herself, until she heard a noise upstairs.

"Maybe not out after all," she mumbled, setting down the stuff and making her way to the foot of the stairs, shouting up, "Will? You're gonna be so proud of me."

To her outright surprise, Spike appeared at the top of the stairs holding her bathrobe.

"Buffy," was all he could say, before she ran up to him and threw herself in his arms.

Pulling back, they said in unison, "I'm sorry."

"What? No," said the Slayer, "You have nothing to be sorry for. It was my bad. Totally my bad!"

"Can we…" he said, quietly, "Can we pretend it didn't happen?"

"No," Buffy replied, and he looked hurt. "No! No, not like that! I mean, we can't pretend; can't forget, because I wanna learn from it. _Need_ to learn from it. But, if you're asking- if you want… to make up, and give me another chance. I wanna take it. Can't say no to you, remember?"

He opened his mouth to answer her, but suddenly there was too much to say, and he just pushed it all down and kissed her needily. "Can't say no to you either."

After minutes of kissing and touching Buffy finally registered a thought and pulled out of the embrace.

"Umm, why do you have my bathrobe?"

"Oh, uh..." he laughed, nervously. "Was gonna run you a bath. Try and make things up to you."

"Aww!" she said, hugging him close again, before untangling herself and leading him by the hand to her bedroom.

"Rather make things up in he-" see continued, but the rest of the sentence died on her lips as she opened the door to find the room full of candles and hundreds of red roses.

"Spike, this is amazing!"

Ducking his head he asked, "You really like it?"

"Yes!" she shouted, "I love it. I… I love you."

They stared at each other in shock, then. It was the first time she'd admitted it out loud.

Spike was speechless, but eventually Buffy spoke again, reassuring him that she meant it.

Once more they kissed, and held each other tight. Not even noticing when someone started shouting outside.

That's when the single bullet flew through the window, shattering the glass, passing through Spike and embedding itself deep in Buffy's chest.

_To be continued... _


	5. Villains

Villains

Spike held Buffy up by tightly gripping her arms and keeping her pressed to his chest.

"Baby?" he said, trying to get a response as her eyes started to roll back in her head.

"Wha- what…?" she murmured, before losing consciousness completely. That's when panic fully took hold of the vampire and he sprang into action. Swearing, he lay her down on the bed and grabbed the nearest article of clothing lying about to try and stem the flow. It wasn't enough, though. The smell of her blood grew stronger, and he heard her heart rate start to slow. He knew she'd never make it to hospital; that she only had moments left, and that there was no coming back from it, too. She'd already died twice. He'd already had to face life without her before, knowing his efforts weren't enough.

"Never fucking enough," he ground out through gritted teeth, as tears rolled down his cheeks and he backed away from her. Then his head shot back and he roared and growled in fury. Something primal took hold of him as he slipped into game face – thoughts of heartbreak turned into thoughts of vengeance, and then he lost his ability to think all together. Hunting instinct took over, and he tore from the room and crashed down the stairs.

He ripped the front door from its hinges as Willow and Tara approached it from the other side.

The red witch was about to ask him what was wrong, but Tara saw his grief-stained aura and put a hand on her arm to stop her. They watched as he stomped out into the small front yard and took a long sniff of the cool night air and then took off running.

"Something's wrong," said the blonde witch. "Really, really wrong. Upstairs, go! Check on Buffy."

* * *

Warren was sat in Willy's, bragging about how he'd taken out the Slayer. Willy looked horrified – not for the loss of Buffy, but because he knew how Spike would react. Wanting to avoid a blood bath on his premises he advised him to take off.

The boy shook his head, "Aren't you hearing me? No-one will mess with me now."

As soon as the words had slipped from his smiling mouth the door flew open, and all eyes turned to see William the Bloody gone feral.

"Shit," Warren and Willy said in unison, then the younger threw up a magically induced smoke screen and ran out the back door. He barely made it a single street away before Spike was upon him.

The vampire pinned the wriggling human against a wall, and Warren fought to buy some time.

"I found out what your chip does!" he spat out, suddenly, before taking a quick breath and saying, "You can't hurt me," slightly more confidently.

Spike barely heard him, though. He was too busy trying to figure out how best to kill him. He didn't want to bite the boy, and have his tainted blood running through his veins – the thought repulsed him. His eyes narrowed as he decided to rip the boy's heart straight from his chest using his bare hands. At the look all of Warren's shaky confidence fell from him, and he thought, 'He's gonna end me even if it blows up his head'.

Spike's arm went to snap forward, and Warren closed his eyes, when a voice rang out, cutting through the vampire's red mist.

"Buffy's not dead!"

He paused momentarily, then said aloud, "You're lying."

"What?" asked Warren, opening his eyes again, "I didn't say anything."

"Shut up!" the vampire yelled in his face, before punching him unconscious.

"Spike," the voice spoke out to him again, "I'm with her now, she's alive, and she needs you."

"Where?" he asked, gruffly, refusing to fully let himself believe.

"Back at the house. Me and Tara got the bullet out," Willow's telepathic voice informed him.

Suddenly his eyes widened, and he fell shaking to the ground, beside Warren's slumped body.

* * *

"Are you coming?" Willow's voice echoed in the vampire's head once more, effectively snapping him out of his stupor.

"Yes," he replied, getting to his feet and dragging Warren's body up with him. "Soon."

* * *

Spike chained the boy up in the lower quarters of his crypt and then made to leave, but Warren started to wake up and he called the vampire back.

Silently Spike stalked up to him, and Warren whimpered, regretting opening his mouth.

"What?" the vampire spat.

"You hit me. How did you hit me?"

Spike considered it for a second, thinking the chip must have short-circuited when the rage had powered through him earlier, then he shrugged and didn't vocalize his theory.

"What are you gonna do?" Warren asked, then, and the vampire glared at him, delivered a second punch and walked away.

* * *

"He's taking too long," Willow said to Tara, worriedly twisting her hands.

"He'll be here," the blonde replied, soothingly.

"Yeah, but will he kill Warren first?"

Tara didn't reply. She knew there was a strong chance – chip or not. Standing up to hold her girlfriend in her arms, she caught sight of the vamp in question silently reach the top of the stairs and make his way into Buffy's room to greet them.

Once more Willow was going to say something to him, but Tara stopped her, and led her out of the room.

Spike crouched by the bed and held Buffy's hand. He started to cry again, as he heard her heartbeat loud and clear. That's when she started to rouse, and slowly open her eyes.

"Spike?" she said, in a croaky voice.

"Baby," he replied, in his own broken tone.

_To be continued... _


	6. Two to Go

Two to Go

"You got shot," said Spike, stating the obvious in place of all the other words warring to get out of him. _'You got shot, and almost died. I almost lost you. I love you. Couldn't live without you; not again. I'd have killed myself. I'd have killed Warren. Hell, I still might. I can't believe I almost never saw your face again. I can't believe you're here. I…"_

"You got shot," he repeated.

"Noticed that, huh?" Buffy replied, trying to bring levity to the situation, but having it fall flat when she looked at his face – paler than usual, somehow.

Reaching out her hand, she pulled him closer and he broke down slightly as they embraced. After cursing his errant tears he said, "I thought I'd lost you."

"I know, I know," she replied, softly, her own tears threatening to come to the surface.

When he pulled back to wipe his eyes she caught him wince, briefly. Then, glancing at his torso, she exclaimed, "He got you too!"

"What? Oh," said Spike, nonchalantly, placing his finger on top of his bullet hole, "Hadn't noticed."

* * *

Buffy had wanted Willow and Tara to check Spike over, but he was hesitant.

Finally he admitted why, "There's something I gotta tell you."

"Yeah?"

"Earlier, the chip, I think it might have short-circuited. S'not workin'"

Buffy gasped at his admission, and his eyes dug deeper into the carpet.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed.

"Yeah," he said, quietly, "I should go."

"Oh my god," Buffy said again, over the top of his last comment, as she reached out to touch his head, "That must have been agony."

Suddenly his head shot up, and his eyes searched hers for some sign of mocking, but found none – only concern.

"Buffy, I…"

That was when her tears spilled over. "You got hurt so bad today," she choked out.

After sobs gripped her and no arms came to hold her tight Buffy wiped her eyes and looked at her partner accusingly, "What? Suddenly you don't want to touch me anymore?" she yelled.

"What? No!" he got defensive and took hold of her, too sharply, causing her wound to smart again, and him to step away once more. "That. I, I… I don't want to hurt you. But I do, and I will. Fuck, Buffy, what are we doing? I'm not safe."

The slayer shook her head, and said, "Calm down. Listen to me, Okay?" – as much to herself as to him.

"Spike, the reason we didn't work before – well," she interrupted her own half-made thought, "There were a lot of reasons, actually, but a main one was the bad place_ I_ was in, not you. That's not to say you didn't have your issues, but… I think if I'd have trusted you, and what you felt. Treated you right, it would have worked then as well as it works now. Forget chips. The only thing different between the train wreck we had, and what we're building is that we're doing it together. Before… before it was like you kept trying to build something, like a sandcastle, and I kept kicking it down. You had to power to hurt me before whatever happened to the chip tonight. Know how long I was worried you might? Only about zero seconds. I_ know_ you, Spike. Know you wouldn't hurt me. Well, not like, a lot, and not on purpose. You don't have a soul, but you have a heart, a great big heart that's sometimes so big, and so full of love that it scares me. I thought… I don't know. I thought that if I denied it. Tried to crush it to see if it'd hurt less. But I don't wanna do that anymore. And we're not. Two people need to go into this relationship, and I was holding back, and I'm sorry. There are a million reasons, but none of them excuse it. I'm not gonna let the fact that you've gotten rid of something that should have never been there in the first place stand in our way."

For one of very few times in his life Spike was speechless.

"Said enough for both of us, haven't I?" Buffy asked, and he nodded, mouth still partly open – eyes wide. "You okay?"

He nodded again

"Can I ask a question? I promise it's not a trick. I just wanna know. Did you consider… when you thought I was gonna die. Did you think about turning me?"

"What? No. You would never want-"

Buffy rushed to explain herself, "I know, okay? I know. Not saying you should have, I'm just… you didn't consider it, to keep me?"

"You would rather be gone than have that happen. I couldn't. Plus," he scuffed his toe along the floor, "Never works out the way you plan."

She eyed him suspiciously – knowing there was something more to the comment, but not wanting to pry – so she let it go, and took hold of his hand.

Their eyes met again, and the presence of whatever it was, was silently acknowledged and forgiven.

"Thank you," was all she said, aloud.

Then there was a knock at the door, and Willow entered.

"Hey, guys," she said, tentatively. "I… well, Tara and I, we heard some of what you said. Not eavesdropping or anything! I mean, well, there were raised voices, and we were worried."

"You don't need to worry about Spike," Buffy assured her.

"Oh, I know! I mean, if you trust him, and we trust your judgment – which we do – then, I'm rambling, aren't I?"

"Lil bit, Red," said Spike, with something that resembled a smile.

"Right, sorry," she carried on. "Anyway, we feel bad for you two, and we wanted to make you both feel good, after what's happened, so, uh… we want to give you a treat."

"A treat?" Buffy questioned.

"Yeah! We have tickets, Tara and I. We were gonna take a weekend trip, but we both decided we want you guys to go instead."  
Buffy was about to decline, but Willow stopped her, "Really, it's okay. Just take them, please? You both deserve a little happiness."

"Has a point there, luv," Spike conceded, and Buffy smiled.

"Okay, Will, when do we go?"

"Tomorrow. Oh, or," she looked at her watch, "Today. It's after midnight."

"Sexy slay vacation it is," Buffy exclaimed, happily, and then blushed, "I didn't say the sexy bit out loud, did I?"

* * *

"Sure you're up to this?" Spike asked his girl for the fourth time that afternoon.

"Yup," she replied,_ "So_ thankful for Slayer healing!"

"Okay, one stop first. Technically two."

"Where?"

"Crypt, then police station."

"Huh?"

_To be continued... _


	7. Grave

Grave

Spike and Buffy walked hand in hand to his crypt, in silence almost the whole way. He'd already told her Warren was there, and that he hadn't hurt him – much; that the new plan was to shake him up enough to make confessions about shooting her and killing Katrina. Enough to put him away for life.

The boy looked relieved when the slayer walked in, "Hey!" he said, "You're okay. No harm done, right? Except… Your, uh," he mumbled, uncomfortable at not being able to read Buffy's expression, "Your boyfriend? He almost killed me. That's wrong, right? I mean, your against it. I'm glad you came, to let me go before-"

Buffy smacked him hard across the cheek, effectively shutting him up.

"Are you done, now?" she asked, seething with anger that she wasn't aware she'd been holding onto.

"I-" Warren went to start rambling again, but Spike growled, and he reconsidered, "Yes m'am."

"Good," she replied, letting her fist fly to hit the wall just behind his head, "Because I am _so_ done with this shit. You wanna be a big boy? Super villain? Fine. Do that. But know that I put bad guys in the ground, and if you think you can get around that by being human I'm pretty sure I can find a way to get around that pesky rule. Understand?"

Warren nodded, not wanting to speak again.

Buffy glared at him for a moment more, then turned her head away to glance at Spike.

"Think we can trust him in the big house?"

"Dunno, pet," said the vampire, and he meant it. If the boy tried hard enough he could get hold of magical items even on the inside, break out and go back to wreaking havoc.

Warren gulped, "Big house?"

"Yeah," said Spike, getting up in his face, "We're deciding if you'll reform or if we should go ahead and skip that step, get right to the part where not even your spells can bring you back. Wanna convince us which it is?"

"I – no! I can't go to jail! Prison isn't for nerds."

Buffy looked disgusted at his attitude, "Want me to repeat the other option?"

He gulped again, and hung his head.

"Wow," Spike said then, "You really thought we'd just let you go, jus' a slap on the wrist?!"

The vampire shook his head, then grabbed at the boy's chin until he was looking him in the eye again, "Do you have any fucking idea what you tried to do? Any bloody clue?!"

Buffy had to step in between them then, to stop Spike completely losing it and doing something he might regret.

"Last chance. What is it? We taking you down or are we taking you out? I am _not_ playing."

Warren didn't know what to say, or what to do except stand there – still strung up – just looking between the formidable couple.

Finally he hung his head again and mumbled, "Do what you want."

Again Buffy glanced at her lover, who nodded and undid the chains.

"Come on, full confessions all round."

* * *

Even after Warren _did _confess Buffy and Spike still had to give lengthy statements. It took hours, and when they finally left the station Buffy looked gaunt.

"Tired, pet?" asked the vampire, though he already knew the answer.

She shook her head in denial of it, though, "That was just… intense."

"Yeah," he agreed, rubbing his thumb across her clasped hand. "Wanna give the trip a miss?"

"No," she shook her head again, "I wanna go, and rest there." Looking deep into his cool blue eyes she added, "I want to lay beside you, want you to hold me, make sweet, slow, non-exhausting love to me," – Buffy paused for them both to smirk at each other – "And I want to fall asleep in your arms. Do it all again tomorrow. Except, maybe, more exhausting that time," she blushed.

Spike glowed at her words, "Bloody hell, I do love you."

"I know. Love you, too."

They kissed, then. A soft, deep kiss.

"There's one stop _I _wanna make first."

Spike quirked his eyebrow at her, but she didn't explain, just tugged him back in the direction of the graveyard.

* * *

They walked to a part he knew well – a part he hated to see, and a part he'd spent most of his previous summer – her now empty grave. Side-by-side with her mother's filled one.

"Buffy?" he asked.

"Sshhh," she said, and gestured for him to sit. When he did she placed herself in his lap, before speaking again, to the grave before them, "Hey, mom, I brought a friend."

Tears appeared in her eyes, but she waved Spike's hand away when he tried to wipe at them.

"I almost joined you – again. And…" she broke off in a sob, "And I didn't. I'm still here, and I'm with Spike. I love him, and we're gonna take care of each other. I think… I know life's not gonna be easy, and there'll be a thousand more close calls, but he has my back."

The slayer smiled, then, "Mom, he's gonna be good to me – already is – and I'm gonna mature more, and I'm gonna love him more, and treat him better, love Dawn more, too, and my friends. I'm gonna make you proud."

Silence fell for a few minutes, then Buffy shifted again, before directing her speech back to her lover.

"Closure," she explained, "Essential for fresh starts. _Better_ starts." Then she stood up and offered him her hand, to pull him up, "Let's go."

"Together," he replied.

"Forever," she said.

_THE END_


End file.
